You are not being unreasonable. We don’t consider it’s fine for your to tell your not sex.
I think these types of answers were very patronizing, aren’t reflective of every genuine investments within pleasures, and therefore are simply not fine. You — as with any folks — should-be afforded actual intimate autonomy and department from with any intimate lovers. You — like all people — need someone who knows the best professional of what you plus human body wish and want is actually you, and whoever attitude reflects that fundamental knowing. It’s affordable and wise to capture issue with any partner or circumstance in which any basics of equitable, healthier and respectful intimate collaboration and connection are absent or refused.
You ask how you can assist the man you’re dating be more sex-positive
That name implies various things to various group. Exactly what sex-positivity largely is for myself was a rather fundamental framing of intercourse that just says intercourse is — if in case it’s part of our everyday life, ideally ought to be — something is actually of benefit to us and our lives; anything we are able to potentially experiences as an overall positive, regardless of if our intimate experience, thoughts and feelings aren’t amazing or great; no matter if so when some are very unsatisfying and on occasion even traumatic.
There are a small number of center issues that are going to create intercourse a confident and mutually 
helpful. I do believe probably one of the most crucial was agency: the ability to behave on their own and work out our own selection; for our personal power in and also for our very own selves and our sexualities viewed, known, recognized and found. Creating actual sexual agencies means things like sexual lovers knowing that people — perhaps not they — ought to be the employer and finest power of your selves, the body and our sexualities, following behaving according to that. That looks like someone always inquiring united states everything we wish and want, not advising united states; creating work to manufacture all of the decisions about sex there is collectively, not for us; and definitely honoring you, perhaps not second-guessing or mentioning over united states, when we inform them whatever you desire or significance of our anatomies or other part of ourselves.
It seems for me as you bring someone who has been going hard on your own agency. Somebody should not be micro-managing the sex-life or the body, or speaking for your needs plus sexuality, and to your, believe it or not. That’s not exactly how someone that certainly views united states their unique equal and their equal should act around, in sex or any other respect. There’s too much to state about everything your mentioned, but i believe the lubricant circumstances shows the larger theme right here really — In addition consider some lubricant facts are called for here, years — so I’m probably focus primarily onto it.
Think about you’re on a go with a buddy. Sooner or later, your state you’ll need some h2o. They respond by claiming, “No. No drinking water for your needs. Moreover, if you need drinking water, clearly your body just can’t manage strolling, so we is ending this stroll now. No walking for you personally.” That would be surprising, ludicrous, disrespectful, controlling and flat-out completely wrong, best? (Right.) The same thing goes because of this lube situation.
Virtually, hoping or requiring lubricant — basicallyn’t only some thing visitors using the supplement requirement, but one thing we which love any kind of gender with friction typically need and need — is merely your body being dehydrated and requiring a drink. “Respectfully decreasing” lube when someone requests for it hits me as something that truly can’t become respectful, like doubting somebody liquids when they’re thirsty, or determining for somebody otherwise when themselves is performed with anything, couldn’t getting. I don’t believe it’s polite to write off just what individuals informs you they want and require and react in a way that says you would imagine you realize themselves as well as its requires better than all of them. I believe that’s very disrespectful.
It sounds like you’re both uninformed about lubrication. Both of you appear to have the theory that after anyone with a genitals would like to become intimate, their vagina always gets and remains moist, and does therefore early adequate, and lubricates for very long enough, which will make sex or other tasks with friction comfortable and enjoyable.